Image via WikipediaClick here to see what I was listening to when I wrote this!
Monday, September 6, 2010
4am
Image via WikipediaClick here to see what I was listening to when I wrote this!
Monday, August 30, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
I Alone... Well Then Again, No.
"Oh Monika, I wish you could get yourself sorted, well what I really mean is...I wish you could get yourself Sober" -- A sentence, I am sure many people have said to or of me.
For some reason, I have been in fantasy land the last two months. I would love to be able to say... I am exaggerating... But I have so many questions, thoughts, and animosities that it would seem I have been avoiding them entirely by drinking myself into an oblivion whilst fantasizing that a man, perhaps the only man I have ever loved for God knows what reasons... loves me back. I will always be the first person to say, " Just because someone does not love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you the best way they know how." -- Well, I think I am just tired of the games, of the "L" word, the endless conversations and the fruitlessness that surely follows. Yet again, I am just not satisfied until I exhaust every encounter. The minute things are going straight, and I am smiling, the "blanket party" starts. I find myself in the most interesting position a woman can be in, one that I can honestly say is unfamiliar territory to me, even at twenty-seven years old. I find myself tangled and rearranged by love. I caught myself contorting The Self, to become what he wanted.
I suppose it sounds absurd, and perhaps it is. . . But I never wanted love, my entire life I strayed from it, took preventative measures, and went so far as to completely shut down my relationships... only now can I admit it is Fear, plain and simple. I can also admit that I had a preconceived notion of what Love can do to a person...I just didn't realize that my parents were the atypical example.
I have these dreams, ...I call them "Larger than Life" dreams. But in the grand scheme of things, I am only wishing for the same things everybody else does. I see myself happy, smiling in a front yard of a house that I am buying watching my children play. Little girls with long curly brown hair and eyes as blue as the ocean. It sounds attainable enough for a woman who has been in a relationship for 12 years..but nothing comes simple , and I am sure these is a price to pay for happiness...but at what cost, and what currency?
There seems to be so much foolishness in folly in my life at the moment...I feel literal spiraling and unraveling.
Then I take a step back, take a deep breath and say to myself "now, that wasn't really so bad, now was it?"
Right back to point A. Again, all I can say is... such is life cousins, such is life.
Live Spherically!
For some reason, I have been in fantasy land the last two months. I would love to be able to say... I am exaggerating... But I have so many questions, thoughts, and animosities that it would seem I have been avoiding them entirely by drinking myself into an oblivion whilst fantasizing that a man, perhaps the only man I have ever loved for God knows what reasons... loves me back. I will always be the first person to say, " Just because someone does not love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you the best way they know how." -- Well, I think I am just tired of the games, of the "L" word, the endless conversations and the fruitlessness that surely follows. Yet again, I am just not satisfied until I exhaust every encounter. The minute things are going straight, and I am smiling, the "blanket party" starts. I find myself in the most interesting position a woman can be in, one that I can honestly say is unfamiliar territory to me, even at twenty-seven years old. I find myself tangled and rearranged by love. I caught myself contorting The Self, to become what he wanted.
I suppose it sounds absurd, and perhaps it is. . . But I never wanted love, my entire life I strayed from it, took preventative measures, and went so far as to completely shut down my relationships... only now can I admit it is Fear, plain and simple. I can also admit that I had a preconceived notion of what Love can do to a person...I just didn't realize that my parents were the atypical example.
I have these dreams, ...I call them "Larger than Life" dreams. But in the grand scheme of things, I am only wishing for the same things everybody else does. I see myself happy, smiling in a front yard of a house that I am buying watching my children play. Little girls with long curly brown hair and eyes as blue as the ocean. It sounds attainable enough for a woman who has been in a relationship for 12 years..but nothing comes simple , and I am sure these is a price to pay for happiness...but at what cost, and what currency?
There seems to be so much foolishness in folly in my life at the moment...I feel literal spiraling and unraveling.
Then I take a step back, take a deep breath and say to myself "now, that wasn't really so bad, now was it?"
Right back to point A. Again, all I can say is... such is life cousins, such is life.
Live Spherically!
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Versus
What an insane week I've had...I have certainly been busy, therefore neglecting my blog. I spent last weekend out at the lake with some friends (I have posted a few videos on youtube.com) Beyond, that it has really been a whirlwind of events, my dog and my grandfather died on the same day. My little sister and her children flew in for the services. It was a beautiful service, including flag detail and a 21 gun salute. I have been spending an unreasonable amount of time with my friends--drinking. I've been over-sighting my house, vehicle, phone calls, and basic nourishment. I think it may have caught up with me today however. I am coughing, and my nose is leaking profusely. I woke up starving and so thirsty...I am almost sure I drank enough water for three people today. It seems at some point last night, during the chaos of the mini private party I have done something to my back. It feels like a pinched nerve, same spot that always affects me...Coughing is extra fun! I have to brace myself before I can cough up a lung.
I've also been reading today...Franz Kafka as a matter of fact. And I intend to leave you a quote as follows:
"No one is capable of spending all his days and nights keeping watch over the hunger artist, therefore no one person could be absolutely certain from firsthand knowledge that the fast had truly been constant and flawless; only the hunger artist himself could know that, and so at the same time only he could be a satisfied spectator of his own fast."
Live Spherically !
Click here to see what I was listening to as I wrote this!
I've also been reading today...Franz Kafka as a matter of fact. And I intend to leave you a quote as follows:
"No one is capable of spending all his days and nights keeping watch over the hunger artist, therefore no one person could be absolutely certain from firsthand knowledge that the fast had truly been constant and flawless; only the hunger artist himself could know that, and so at the same time only he could be a satisfied spectator of his own fast."
Live Spherically !
Click here to see what I was listening to as I wrote this!
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Chamber of Sorrows / A Prayer for the dying
Music exists to say things words cannot say. To cry for you, when your tears are dry, a chance to let the soul weep; Which is why, it is not entirely human. Music is not for kings and perhaps you think music is for God, but you are wrong, God can speak. For the ear perhaps? Yet, things I cannot speak, are not for the ear. For gold, for glory, for silence? Yet, Silence is only the opposite of language. Rival musicians? Love? Sorrows of love? Wantonness? A wafer for the unknown? But what is a wafer? You can see it, taste it. It is nothing. Do you give up?
One must leave a drink for the dead. A refreshment for those who've run out of words. For lost childhoods... To muffle the stammering of drunken laborers, to silence the tantrums of an emotionally distant mother... For the time before we were born, before we breathed, or saw light. That alone, is Musics' true importance.
I will eventually die, and my brand of art and whimsy will die with me. My ideals, my dreams, my passions, my loves...but Music, especially Music designed to wake, lasts forever. Even when forever, seems too long.
And so I will leaved you an air to wake the dead. As it is commonly believed to do so.
Thus I give you "The Chamber of Sorrows"- who so few have enough ear to really listen.
If I were to live to be one thousand year old, I believe my wish would be that every person I know and care about could or would be able to listen to the Tomb of Sorrows and have more to say than, "That's beautiful". Of course it is beautiful. But why is it beautiful. Did it bring tears to your eyes, did your body catch up with the wailing of your soul? More importantly, do you feel that deeply?
One must leave a drink for the dead. A refreshment for those who've run out of words. For lost childhoods... To muffle the stammering of drunken laborers, to silence the tantrums of an emotionally distant mother... For the time before we were born, before we breathed, or saw light. That alone, is Musics' true importance.
I will eventually die, and my brand of art and whimsy will die with me. My ideals, my dreams, my passions, my loves...but Music, especially Music designed to wake, lasts forever. Even when forever, seems too long.
And so I will leaved you an air to wake the dead. As it is commonly believed to do so.
Thus I give you "The Chamber of Sorrows"- who so few have enough ear to really listen.
If I were to live to be one thousand year old, I believe my wish would be that every person I know and care about could or would be able to listen to the Tomb of Sorrows and have more to say than, "That's beautiful". Of course it is beautiful. But why is it beautiful. Did it bring tears to your eyes, did your body catch up with the wailing of your soul? More importantly, do you feel that deeply?
Good Ol' Fashioned Thursday Night Tire Slashing
The day is Thursday, August 5th, 2010. A male friend calls, and demands I come out to one of the smaller local bars. I hem, I haw, I agree. I walk up the bar, (about 7 blocks away) around 4:30pm. The alcohol is coming at a steady flow, there is laughter, joking and dancing; yes, I said dancing! In walks someone, a male friend I have had ten months to move on from and swore I didn't care and I hated him, etc...Long story, short...I started slamming drinks, an obscene amount of liquor. At which time, I decide it would be a far better decision to relocate to another bar. However, as soon as it was noticed that I was absent, said "male friend" shows up to the other bar looking for me. Of course, bringing the "riff Raff". Lo and behold, a fight ensues and all hell breaks loose in the bar, bottles are flying, knives come out, and punches are flying, I am wrangling Goat and dodging punches and flying pool cues. The Bar-tender comes out with a bat and starts cracking the other party in the head, punching an older lady and chucking her across the dance floor...and after about 15 minutes of intense battle, the bar clears. Now, the building is metal and suddenly we hear banging, crashing,. popping and what I can tell you had a resemblance to an air-raid. It seems these out-of-towners from Houston, brought in by the Valero company went outside and slashed every fucking tire in the parking lot! Wouldn't be bad, but this is a relatively small town. Shit like that doesn't really happen here.
At any rate, this bar is is about 2 miles out-side of town, a long way to walk, drunk. The cops, S.O. and Rangers won't let anyone leave, they want statements from the 15 or so people still in the bar. Around 3:15 I decide I don't care and I want to go home, and my options are "walk". Now, it has just rained and we are way back on a dirt road and you have to walk down to go out to the highway.. It is muddy, slippery, and dark. I lost my shoes, misjudged the depth of a puddle, got a large chunk of broken beer bottle lodged in my foot and so many sticker thorns deep enough that it hurts me to walk three days later.
I get about quarter mile down the highway, a Sheriff stops and asks if everything is ok...I tell him I was just at the bar, tires are slashed and I am walking. I ask him for a ride, and he tells me he can't do that. Protect and serve my ass. He leaves. Another car stops, FINALLY, someone I happen to know. The bartenders husband! He picks us up, and goes right back to bar, so all of that , the brisk, drunken walk....yeah, for nothing! AND, I am right back where I started!. Out there for another thirty minutes answering questions. FINALLY, everyone is released, and we can go. Well, the guys car won't start, so myself, and two other guys are pushing this car to get it in position to get a jump, another puddle....yea, HA it looked ankle deep, pretty sure I was in this puddle up to my thigh, trying not to let this car roll back and run me over. Freezing cold, drunken success! So covered in mud, and freezing I finally made it home home at about 5:30am , with a headache and a major pain in my feet. I fell asleep on the living-room floor, woke up a few hours later and dug two pieces of glass about the size of a fifty cent piece and thought---Well, I wonder how far I really thought I was going to get.
Live Spherically people!
At any rate, this bar is is about 2 miles out-side of town, a long way to walk, drunk. The cops, S.O. and Rangers won't let anyone leave, they want statements from the 15 or so people still in the bar. Around 3:15 I decide I don't care and I want to go home, and my options are "walk". Now, it has just rained and we are way back on a dirt road and you have to walk down to go out to the highway.. It is muddy, slippery, and dark. I lost my shoes, misjudged the depth of a puddle, got a large chunk of broken beer bottle lodged in my foot and so many sticker thorns deep enough that it hurts me to walk three days later.
I get about quarter mile down the highway, a Sheriff stops and asks if everything is ok...I tell him I was just at the bar, tires are slashed and I am walking. I ask him for a ride, and he tells me he can't do that. Protect and serve my ass. He leaves. Another car stops, FINALLY, someone I happen to know. The bartenders husband! He picks us up, and goes right back to bar, so all of that , the brisk, drunken walk....yeah, for nothing! AND, I am right back where I started!. Out there for another thirty minutes answering questions. FINALLY, everyone is released, and we can go. Well, the guys car won't start, so myself, and two other guys are pushing this car to get it in position to get a jump, another puddle....yea, HA it looked ankle deep, pretty sure I was in this puddle up to my thigh, trying not to let this car roll back and run me over. Freezing cold, drunken success! So covered in mud, and freezing I finally made it home home at about 5:30am , with a headache and a major pain in my feet. I fell asleep on the living-room floor, woke up a few hours later and dug two pieces of glass about the size of a fifty cent piece and thought---Well, I wonder how far I really thought I was going to get.
Live Spherically people!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Practical Ideas for Pissing People Off.
Not exactly the most original post you will ever come across, I confess. However, it comes from a place that I think we've all been in. Don't you ever have those slow days when you can't think of anything on your own? All you know is someone pissed you off, and you HAVE to retaliate! ...But within reason. You find so many sites that give great ideas about retaliation or pranks but they are just too harsh, so all you do is laugh and think "what if?" Well, I propose a list of ideas that will get the point across and keep you out of jail, won't break your "Prank Bank", and leaves you sitting back taking pleasure in the fact that you just screwed with someones' day.
Below you will find a list of ways to prank, annoy, or flat out PISS SOMEONE OFF!
Here are a few ways to use Super Glue to your advantage:
1. On a new roll of toilet paper, slide the glue tip about half way through the role and squeeze a few drops, you can do this at several points through-out the roll. The idea behind this is that when someone needs to use it, it will come off in tiny pieces and you essentially have to rip through the entire roll trying to get a long enough piece to finish the job, a real prankster would remove all other rolls from the bathroom.
2. Do you have a neighbor who steals the paper? you can do one of two things: a) sneak out extra early, and glue the bag the paper comes in to the sidewalk; as added entertainment, set up hidden video so you can post it on.Youtube.com and watch the neighbors 'struggle to hi-jack your paper. b) Using basically the same concept as the "Toilet-paper roll"...place a few random drops around the paper, so it tears as the "victim" tries to turn the pages.
3. Super-Glue someone's shoe laces. The idea behind this is, when someone slips off their sneakers without untying them, you place glue on the inner portion of the knot so they cannot untie the laces to put their shoes on. You could even tie them extra tight yourself, then gluing the inner portion of the knot. Watch as the "victim" struggles to untie their shoes!
4. Avid flip-flop wearer? Glue the entire shoe to the floor! As they attempt to slide in and slide off they basically trip, not realizing the shoes are stationary.
5. Bored at a local bar? Super Glue a quarter near your table, or on the dance floor and watch the drunk people fall, as they lean over and struggle to pick-up the quarter bait!
6. Office co-workers irritating you? Super Glue their mouse to the desk, make comments to other workers that you don't understand why they aren't pulling their weight around the office.
Other Fun Ideas:
1. Have a problem with co-workers stealing your lunch? Make a sandwich of Cat food, cayenne pepper, and raw fresh jalapeno's. It won't take too long to figure out who the thief is.
2. At the office water cooler, take several of the cups and use a tack to poke small holes in the bottoms of the cups and watch as the employees get water down the front of them,
3. Go to a local pet store and purchase $5.00 of live crickets, and place them in someones car. This would be best suited for a spouse or family member, unless your victim just happens to have their window down a crack. You don't want to get a B & E charge, so be careful not to do anything illegal.
4. Looking to really piss someone off? Get a hold of your victims' deodorant, slide a few toothpicks down into the product and smoothe over the holes. It may take a few day, but as soon as those sharp ends come to the surface it will most irritating to your victim!
5. Get a hold of the victims mouth-wash, replace it with white-vinegar and blue or green food-coloring.
6. Delete your victims' i-tunes library!
7. Coon urine is such a horrible smell- spray it in your victims' house, car, co-workers chair/desk, or pour some in the bottoms of their shoes! I swear this smell NEVER goes away, so be careful who you do this to, and remember stray from illegal activity- Putting Coon urine in someones' vehicle may be constituted as destruction of private property-Know the laws in your County.
8. Re-label all of your victims data Cd's with popular pornography titles. i.e Debbie Does Dallas
9. That towel hanging on the rack outside the shower, staple the back of it to the wall, so your victim is tugging and struggling to get it free so they can dry off. (great for a spousal or kid prank)
10. Husband wear tightie-whities? After he falls asleep, take red food coloring and squirt a few drops directly in the center of his back-side, when he wakes up he will flip-out! If you have one of those oblivious husbands...exclaim, "HONEY, whats WRONG?!
11.Replace someones laundry detergent (powdered form) with a mixture of sand, starch, and a pkg. of powdered clothing dye (blue). Combine and distribute evenly so it appears to have the correct consistency. A real asshole would add itching powder.
12. Add half a bottle of Dawn's Dish-soap to The Cascade dishwasher detergent. This creates a mass amount of bubbles, so be careful to whom and where you decide to pull this prank.
13. Add two bottles of red food coloring to a carton of milk. -Looks a lot like blood and freaks people out. you could take a thermos to work and have your co-workers thinking you drink blood! (can you imagine your childrens' reaction if they thought mom and dad drank blood!)
14. get yourself a few boxes of gelatin (clear) and pick a toilet (home, work, family or friends) make sure the toilet will not be in use for a few hours. When your victim(s) go to use the restroom, they get a splash. Note: it is difficult to get out of the toilet, you will have to scoop before you can flush, and you may have to scoop, add water. flush, repeat a few times before you can get rid of the jelly.
15. Take a piece of Saran-wrap and apply it tightly across a door jam at head, shoulder level. smear Karo syrup across it and watch as your victim walks right into it.
16. Smokers getting on your nerves? Take an eye-dropper and a bottle of Cinnamon extract(or any preference you may have) and place a drop in the area where the cigarette connects to the butt-completely ruins the flavor of their cigarettes. I have seen this done with Doe urine, but I am not sure exactly the health effects or the wisdom in this---you may want to do a little research.
17. Go down to a wreck yard, score a window from any car, (Cheap!) TAKE HOME and break in a tarp or towel with a hammer. Then roll down the victims car window, and scatter the glass around the area. If someone thinks their window is broken, no way they will try to roll it up! See how long you can keep this one going for- if they actually went down to have it replaced, can you imagine the look the laborers Face when he realizes there is a window in the car!?Sort of a P-I-F prank. Note: often times you can find glass in the road , eliminating the need for buying a window.
18. Buy a quart of oil, and dump it under your victims vehicle so they think their car is leaking mass amounts of oil.
19. Get an eye dropper and mineral oil and get go after the eye-shadow and blush, place one or two drops in each color. This causes the make-up to stain the skin for a few days.
20. Really wanna be bad? Get pens that are specifically used for Henna, this ink stains the skin for weeks, sometimes months at a time. Be creative! Tattoos, words, art on the face neck arms back etc....
21. Shred up old clothes, get red food coloring, catchup, fake blood etc, and re-create a crime scene in your yard, neighbors yard etc. (USE RAW CHICKEN SKIN FOR TEXTURE)
22. Just want to be a jerk? switch all the movies in the DVD cases around.
23. In public restrooms: Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that.
24. Get a game night going with your pals, play poker or craps, then pay them in monopoly cash. Claim you didn't know, you just assumed it was for fun.
25. Have a husband who has a lot of keys he uses at work? Replace all the keys with old keys to random shit, when he gets to work and can't use his keys, he'll be annoyed possibly even furious!
26. Get a can of sardines and drop bits of Sardines randomly and discreetly around an office, car, or home. SO smelly after a few days.
27. Send the boss love letters from a co-worker.
28. Take a permanent marker and draw clothing on all the models in the porno mags.
29. Use clear scotch tape and put it over the strip on all the victims credit cards- they won't work!
30. IN THE HUSBANDS WALLET- replace all the pictures with pictures of his ex and then get mad at him when you see them!
31. Put bleach in the spray and wash bottle. Stain remover!
32. Discreetly open a new package of socks, snip the ends of and place them back in the package.
33. On a long sleeve shirt, just before the cuff, sew it closed so the victim cannot get his hands through the sleeves.
34. If gifting a pair of jeans, sew the pockets and/or the zipper closed so they create a fun annoyance!
35. Cut a hold in the ass of every pair of panties/underwear.
36. Take old, skanky, dirty panties and hang them on your neighbors fence.
37. Address fake letters from the IRS to your victim claiming they are being audited.
38. Send fake court summons to your victim-Again, know the laws in your parish and avoid anything criminal.
39. Send fake STD results
40. Knock on your neighbors door and ask them why the swat team was at their house earlier. (make sure they were gone)
41. Knock on your neighbors door and ask them about the strange animal noises coming from their house at noon.
42. STILL COMING UP WITH MORE!!!!
More to come, but this is a good start. I WOULD LOVE to see your videos or hear your stories pertaining to these specific pranks!!!!
Live Spherically!
Monday, August 2, 2010
Hotel Pictures Added (FINALLY!)
Image via WikipediaI of course went with my mother, who went to attend a two-day seminar for her job.
I spent most of the vacation in an alcoholic haze and walking around the hotel. Don't you dare judge me! LOL
She is a hard woman for me to get along with. Always has been- I haven't lived with her since I was twelve. In fact after I moved to Texas, from ages 12 to 14 I live with my mother on two separate occasions equaling approximately 6 months, give or take a few. All of that is neither here nor there, other than to convey that I have a very difficult time just being in her presence and from that description, I contrive my excuse for two discrepancies. 1.) the previously stated alcoholic haze and 2.) few pictures.
This picture was taken at a rest-stop somewhere along the way.
This is located on the north side of the hotel.
The lobby
Room Service!!!
That is all I have taken from the camera thus far. I am working on getting a video going as well.
That shall conclude this entry. Live Spherically
Sunday, August 1, 2010
No sure way to beat the heat
Another miserably hot day here on the High Plains of Texas! I think the high for today was predicted to be 95F but honestly, after 85F why use numbers? It's just fecking hot to the Umpth Degree. Considering it was so incredibly hot it is safe for you all to assume I spent the day in of doors. I stepped out for less than ten minutes earlier with the pommy dogs, it seems my neighbor has lost his hammer in my backyard--although, I can't find it. He keeps asking me to get it for him and... I don't know what to do. It's not as if I am smuggling his damn hammer or holding it for ransom but for three days he has continually insisted that he knows it is there. We have a large unfriendly dog in the back-yard or I would have already suggested he go get it himself...after some consideration, I believe I will tell him he can try his luck. If he is on my property, in my fenced back-yard, am I still responsible for an attack? (I shall Google it!)
Beyond that, my day was fairly uneventful thus far, of course it is only 4:00pm-ish. I hung curtains, rather sloppily, as it were. but when you consider they aren't really curtains but rather sheer, animal-print, fabric hung by thumbtacks and not curtain rods... well, I don't care. They aren't even there because the go with the decor it is just so HOT I need a sun blocker- the blinds simply aren't enough. I give it three days before I rip them down. At this rate, it will be a miracle if they make it til midnight.
I think I will go take a shower, true blood is coming on in a few hours...you know I can't miss that!
I need to ponder a few things as well, don't be shocked to find me back here typing nonsense to a blank screen in the next few hours.
Live Spherically!
Beyond that, my day was fairly uneventful thus far, of course it is only 4:00pm-ish. I hung curtains, rather sloppily, as it were. but when you consider they aren't really curtains but rather sheer, animal-print, fabric hung by thumbtacks and not curtain rods... well, I don't care. They aren't even there because the go with the decor it is just so HOT I need a sun blocker- the blinds simply aren't enough. I give it three days before I rip them down. At this rate, it will be a miracle if they make it til midnight.
I think I will go take a shower, true blood is coming on in a few hours...you know I can't miss that!
I need to ponder a few things as well, don't be shocked to find me back here typing nonsense to a blank screen in the next few hours.
Live Spherically!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
For My Brother - Blue october
For some reason- this song seems to be hitting home for me at the moment. I am in a "funny" and sort of "longing" mood. Perhaps, I am just missing my little sister. She's not been gone long, but we've never really been apart. As much as we fight and argue, her being gone, is akin to loosing my right arm. It would be fair to say there is a hint of jealously in the air where she is concerned. I miss my family to depths and levels indescribable...but I don't have the fortitude to endure them anymore. Yet, she is. Even though I know she is going at it blindly, and will more than likely figure out that everything I ever told her in regards to that side of the family has been the level truth... I fear for her sanity, health, and stability. FOR THE FIRST TIME, I feel like there is nothing I can do to help her through this one. And when I talk to her...I've got so many things to say, so many things I want to convey to her; but a giant lump chokes me every time and I can do nothing but tell her I love her and I am glad things are well for her. I don't know when I started hiding myself from her, or when she stopped seeing my intentions where she is concerned we're always authentic...but it pains me to think that she is convinced I dream of her demise. Simply not true but I can no longer waste my breathe describing to her in depth of my motivations. I think that makes me a bit of a martyr, I will take all people have to give, I have even stated that "my shoulders are strong enough for the weight."
I really am scared to make another mistake, where my family is concerned. It seems like I resemble them in blood type alone. I am not sure I am apart of them in any other aspect. Of course, this is not a new feeling. I have never really felt as though I was wanted or if I belonged to them. It never hit home, until the last few days while listening to the way my mother talks to me vs. my sisters-- I suppose I will never understand why I am the ostracized party. What's more, it never mattered before, never mattered about the things my mother said to me and the way she speaks, the things that cross her mind in my presence because I had my sister who understood me. All of that is gone now, and I wound up alone.
I made such stupid choices in my life, almost from the moment I could walk... I was doing the complete opposite of what was expected or what was required. I've heard my entire life, "I'll never understand you, Monika". So I find we have yet another thing in common, I'll never understand me either.
Well Cousins- This is Me... signing off, reminding you to live spherically!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Organizings one's finer details
Well now, last night was certainly interesting. I re-read my post, and yes...I was quite obviously drunk. I was going to delete it, save myself a little embarrassment but I figured it would kind of defeat the purpose of why exactly I started this blog nonsense. Not to mention, those who know, know that I have some crazy ideas and opinions sometimes-- And when it comes to writing, I tend to think that sometimes words, no matter how influenced by alcohol, sorrow, anger, etc. are just begging to be out in the world. With that said...I have one of two stories to tell of yesterday/last night. But for now, I think we'll go with the most embarrassing moment of the trip ... thus far.
As we all know, I was drinking last night, rather heavily, as it were. Being that this is a non-smoking establishment, I had to go outside to smoke. Of course, I took my room key and cell-phone. I finish, and walk back in. I saw nothing and it was silent as the grave once inside... I was sort of in and out of it, in my own little world, minding my own business... and that is when it happened! I dropped my cellphone. I sort of went with the "bend and snap" method and my "snap" landed my face right into a strangers' "danger zone"!!! I turn beet red immediately, knowing I have to make eye contact in mere seconds As soon as I right myself and look into the face of this stranger, I am met with a wry smile and then he spoke, "Well, it is certainly nice to meet you too" he said in a humble yet slightly flirtatious manner. It was riddled with laughter, and I knew he wanted to fall over, clutching his ribs but he conducted himself as a complete gentleman of perhaps 55. I said absolutely NOTHING- I sort of made an attempt to stutter something out and got perhaps as far as, "uhh...uh...I..." knowing there was nothing I could say to right the situation, there was no way to save face...it was too late, I did it again...I made a COMPLETE ass out of myself!!!
And there you have it... that is about #4 out of My personal top 10 of Most Embarrassing Moments.
Thank GAWD!!! I never have to come back here again if I don't want to.
Signing off - Live SPHERICALLY!
<---To hide my face!
As we all know, I was drinking last night, rather heavily, as it were. Being that this is a non-smoking establishment, I had to go outside to smoke. Of course, I took my room key and cell-phone. I finish, and walk back in. I saw nothing and it was silent as the grave once inside... I was sort of in and out of it, in my own little world, minding my own business... and that is when it happened! I dropped my cellphone. I sort of went with the "bend and snap" method and my "snap" landed my face right into a strangers' "danger zone"!!! I turn beet red immediately, knowing I have to make eye contact in mere seconds As soon as I right myself and look into the face of this stranger, I am met with a wry smile and then he spoke, "Well, it is certainly nice to meet you too" he said in a humble yet slightly flirtatious manner. It was riddled with laughter, and I knew he wanted to fall over, clutching his ribs but he conducted himself as a complete gentleman of perhaps 55. I said absolutely NOTHING- I sort of made an attempt to stutter something out and got perhaps as far as, "uhh...uh...I..." knowing there was nothing I could say to right the situation, there was no way to save face...it was too late, I did it again...I made a COMPLETE ass out of myself!!!
And there you have it... that is about #4 out of My personal top 10 of Most Embarrassing Moments.
Thank GAWD!!! I never have to come back here again if I don't want to.
Signing off - Live SPHERICALLY!
<---To hide my face!
The Charms of Travling with Ones' Mother
Where oh where to begin... it has been interesting to say the very least... in an opening line.
I, who so very rarely spends the day with my mother, who finds more joy in a life 135 miles away...for obvious reasons to anyone who has "one of those" mothers; have or has (you apply correct grammar, I am tired...and drunk-ish) been filled...no, been side-swiped with an abandoned and perhaps, nearly condemned sense of capability. Does it not amaze even you, just how much you can swallow with a willing and influential mouth/throat?
At times, I am at a loss of words...there are times when I have so much to share with my kindred that I do NOT even know where to begin. Be it rejection, or perhaps self-preservation...I am meandering with the facts that create what is most usually, but not without regrets; my life. I stammer, I choke, I pray, I try to understand, and did I say, pray. There are many things about me, that make me an easy target for hatred...but I love...and I dare you to deny that I care. Choke now, if you doubt my sincerity.
B.s aside. I drove. Six hours, even more, including the stops (BECAUSE my mother no longer allows "smoke" in her car). She is suddenly above Falter. Ah, well..Blessed Be. Grace to those who follow their ideals and presumptions. Again...moving on. Confusion. a conscience will to meander BECAUSE dejection is easier than facing fact and speculation. There are a few humorous stories in here, a few pictures...that I have yet to capture...and I will get back to them...but for now we (I) am feeling the whole of disappointment with just a single CUNT hair of disheartenment. Odd how a night in search of intricacy and acceptance can lead to the feelings of complete debasement and repudiation. Such is life Cousins, such is life.
Again...this leads me to PURPOSE. Tell me, have you been so G. D. (being gracious) clever to discover yours? I know where it ends for me... but when can you stand up with that mega-phone and shout to Mt. Etna..."Fuck You?" --Make you a deal... Swallow your pride, admit defeat and I will wretch pain til the heavens cease my sorrow and lamentations. Uh yeah, ... thank you, come again.
To be honest, this is the sole ramblings of one so gracefully forgotten.
*best Paul Harvey voice* Good Day
*Me: Live Spherically, even when "squares" fit the bill.
As an added note: Live. Even with that BBQ stain on that white t-shirt.
I need a cigarette, perhaps the realist thing or emotion I face @ 5:11am but there it is.
Take me for sweet, and love me for the bitters.
Tonight, I challenge you to Live Spherically.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
The Joys of Canning & Nostalgia
I'll keep this one short and sweet...
In the spirit of Living Spherically, I tried something new tonight.
I canned!
I know your probably thinking, "so what" and that's alright; but for me... it was a learning experience and I can absolutely say "I've done that before". It brought back so many memories of watching my mother can jams, and pie fillings and my grandmother in all her old world charm waking up at 4:00am to can fruits and veggies for days, at harvest time. I thought of a dear friend who passed away; who was, well for lack of better words, My mothers' angel. She used to make the most delicious, "completely from scratch" dishes and can them for us. Her specialty was jellies & jams -- I thought of Jeannie Jelly as we called it, and smiled all night long. For the first time in weeks, when I lay down to sleep there will be a comfort. One that, I am not so sure I can explain, seeing as to how it spawned from something like Canning.
For those of you who may be wondering what I canned- My famous chili. --- Okay okay, I confess it isn't world renowned but my family LOVES it.
Closing this one tonight sending out some special thanks:
Jeannie Kirkpatrick- thought about you through the entire process
My Mom- for all the cookbooks
My Oma-for the original recipe
Vahj-For motivating me with tales of your pickle canning!
Reminding you to-Live Spherically and sometimes...Hysterically!
In the spirit of Living Spherically, I tried something new tonight.
I canned!
I know your probably thinking, "so what" and that's alright; but for me... it was a learning experience and I can absolutely say "I've done that before". It brought back so many memories of watching my mother can jams, and pie fillings and my grandmother in all her old world charm waking up at 4:00am to can fruits and veggies for days, at harvest time. I thought of a dear friend who passed away; who was, well for lack of better words, My mothers' angel. She used to make the most delicious, "completely from scratch" dishes and can them for us. Her specialty was jellies & jams -- I thought of Jeannie Jelly as we called it, and smiled all night long. For the first time in weeks, when I lay down to sleep there will be a comfort. One that, I am not so sure I can explain, seeing as to how it spawned from something like Canning.
For those of you who may be wondering what I canned- My famous chili. --- Okay okay, I confess it isn't world renowned but my family LOVES it.
Closing this one tonight sending out some special thanks:
Jeannie Kirkpatrick- thought about you through the entire process
My Mom- for all the cookbooks
My Oma-for the original recipe
Vahj-For motivating me with tales of your pickle canning!
Reminding you to-Live Spherically and sometimes...Hysterically!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Tips for Natural Cleaning
I am on this kick lately ... not so much a "going green" kick, but more along the lines of being convinced our parents and grandparents really had a cheaper, safer way to get things done that provide the exact same, and often times; better results. In that light, I shall proceed with some "tips" to get your chores done in a pinch.
- 1 tsp borax
- 3 TB white vinegar
- 2 cups water
- 1 TB dish soap
- optional: peppermint oil (or other essential oil)
Mix in a recycled (well-rinsed/cleaned)spray bottle-Label accordingly. Safe for pets. Eliminates breathing of hazardous chemicals. (By Dr. Oz)
-Two separate Spray bottles
-Fill one with White Vinegar
-Fill other with Hydrogen Peroxide
-Spray first with Vinegar, then with Peroxide.
It can be used on any surface in your bathroom!
This is, by far, better than any disinfectant you can buy in the store.
Natural Deodorizer:
-Baking Soda!
Bathrooms:
Tip For cleaning your tub or shower: Use the Baking Soda around your wet tub. It will make a paste then you can scrub it clean naturally. Rinse with your natural disinfectant spray for extra disinfecting!
Tip for getting rid of rings in your toilet: Make a paste of Cream of Tartar and hydrogen peroxide, let rest for one hour before scrubbing lightly.
Tip for cleaning your toilet: Use seltzer tablets! Drop two in the bowl, wait for them to completely dissolve, then flush. Your toilet will sparkle!
Tip for removing rust from from sinks, tubs and toilets: A mixture of salt and lemon juice- you may want to use a toothbrush to get in those crevices!
Tip for cleaning mirrors: Club Soda! Spray it on, wipe it off. It is cheaper and a much better shine than the leading glass cleaner.
Tip for soap-scum and mildew prevention: you can use car wax! Clean shower thoroughly first. Then rub a coat of car wax all over the tile. Be sure to not get it on the floor; it will be slippery! This will repel water and prevent mildew.
Kitchens:
Tip for clogged drains: Sprinkle 1/2 cup of baking soda down the drain, then pour 1 cup of vinegar. Followed by two cups of boiling water. You can do this once a month for prevention as well.
Tip for removing rust from steel items: Crumble up a piece of foil shiny side out, it takes a little elbow grease, but it works. For stainless steel, dip the foil into coca-cola and scrub.
A potato, cut lengthwise, dipped into salt or baking will remove rust. Be sure to wet the surface lightly before scrubbing. Rinse thoroughly.
Tip for stains on plastics: Set outside and let the sun naturally bleach them.
Tip to remove tarnish from your silver: Line a porcelain sink with aluminum foil. Lay your pieces of silver on top of the foil, making sure each piece of silver touches the foil, then pour boiling water to cover the silver. Add a cup of baking soda and let sit 1 hour. Remove the silver and dry. Polish with a dry cloth. This will save you time and money and your silver will shine!
Tip to remove burned food on pots and pans: sprinkle dry dishwasher detergent over the bottom, add 2-3 inches of water. Place in oven, or on top of stove, and heat until boiling. Remove from heat and cool until warm. Put a pair of glove on and clean. Grease and burned food will lift right off. This works great! Be sure not to let the water evaporate or it will be worse!
Natural Cleaning Solution:
- 1 tsp borax
- 3 TB white vinegar
- 2 cups water
- 1 TB dish soap
- optional: peppermint oil (or other essential oil)
Mix in a recycled (well-rinsed/cleaned)spray bottle-Label accordingly. Safe for pets. Eliminates breathing of hazardous chemicals. (By Dr. Oz)
Natural Disinfecting Spray:
-Two separate Spray bottles
-Fill one with White Vinegar
-Fill other with Hydrogen Peroxide
-Spray first with Vinegar, then with Peroxide.
It can be used on any surface in your bathroom!
This is, by far, better than any disinfectant you can buy in the store.
Natural Deodorizer:
-Baking Soda!
Bathrooms:
Tip For cleaning your tub or shower: Use the Baking Soda around your wet tub. It will make a paste then you can scrub it clean naturally. Rinse with your natural disinfectant spray for extra disinfecting!
Tip for getting rid of rings in your toilet: Make a paste of Cream of Tartar and hydrogen peroxide, let rest for one hour before scrubbing lightly.
Tip for cleaning your toilet: Use seltzer tablets! Drop two in the bowl, wait for them to completely dissolve, then flush. Your toilet will sparkle!
Tip for removing rust from from sinks, tubs and toilets: A mixture of salt and lemon juice- you may want to use a toothbrush to get in those crevices!
Tip for cleaning mirrors: Club Soda! Spray it on, wipe it off. It is cheaper and a much better shine than the leading glass cleaner.
Tip for soap-scum and mildew prevention: you can use car wax! Clean shower thoroughly first. Then rub a coat of car wax all over the tile. Be sure to not get it on the floor; it will be slippery! This will repel water and prevent mildew.
Kitchens:
Tip for clogged drains: Sprinkle 1/2 cup of baking soda down the drain, then pour 1 cup of vinegar. Followed by two cups of boiling water. You can do this once a month for prevention as well.
Tip for removing rust from steel items: Crumble up a piece of foil shiny side out, it takes a little elbow grease, but it works. For stainless steel, dip the foil into coca-cola and scrub.
A potato, cut lengthwise, dipped into salt or baking will remove rust. Be sure to wet the surface lightly before scrubbing. Rinse thoroughly.
Tip for stains on plastics: Set outside and let the sun naturally bleach them.
Tip to remove tarnish from your silver: Line a porcelain sink with aluminum foil. Lay your pieces of silver on top of the foil, making sure each piece of silver touches the foil, then pour boiling water to cover the silver. Add a cup of baking soda and let sit 1 hour. Remove the silver and dry. Polish with a dry cloth. This will save you time and money and your silver will shine!
Tip to remove burned food on pots and pans: sprinkle dry dishwasher detergent over the bottom, add 2-3 inches of water. Place in oven, or on top of stove, and heat until boiling. Remove from heat and cool until warm. Put a pair of glove on and clean. Grease and burned food will lift right off. This works great! Be sure not to let the water evaporate or it will be worse!
FYI: There are 6000x more germs in the kitchen sink than in the commode
Don't use a sponge more than a month because it carries germs from surface to surface. Have you tried any of these?
Do you have a few tips of your own?
Tell us about them!!!References: www.priceless-home-remedies.com
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Terrariums & Theories
Ahh well the ideas that come to some of us in the wee hours of the morning...
Several years ago, I decided I HAD to have an aquarium, there was no rest until I purchased my brand new 55 gallon tank with hand-crafted solid cherry stand. I bought lighting equipment, gravel, tank accessories, live plants, and I do not even want to discuss the amount of money I put into filters, tank conditioners, vitamins, meds (for ick), bubble curtains, flake, freeze dried shrimp, feeder fish, and the actual fish; let's just say after calculating it...the amount was obscene.
So here we are, down to our last fish a plecostumous (sp?) that will just NOT die! He is huge, nearly as long as my arm. He has had the tank to himself for the last year or so and a few hours ago I walked in to find him dead. I should perhaps feel sad, he is the first fish I ever purchased and the poor guy has survived a lot of shit over the years but NO, I am relieved. Finally, no more fish.
Moving right along, I get to thinking just how much I actually invested in this take and stand alone; and I am not so sure I just want to get rid of it. Of course, I could really use the space it is taking up, but... at any rate this got me to wondering what exactly I could re-use it for and I could come up with nothing. Low and behold, I Googled it... and you would not believe some of the shit people do with old aquariums.
I came across something rather interesting, in fact it is almost a dying art. Terrariums!
Of course you see them amongst animal enthusiasts (vivariums) but how often do people actually walk into homes anymore and see a terrarium? I know they are out there, I know people still grow them... but I confess, I have not walked into a home since I was a child and seen a terrarium.
In the spirit of living "more spherically", I really got to thinking that, that is something I'd like to take a crack at. I already fancy gardening, it is something I have never tried and it is very much my speed in the sense that it is nearly a "set it, and forget it" (damn Ron Popeil) sort of thing. I have spend the last four hours brushing up on terrariums and I honestly think I can handle it. I am a little sketchy about what to plant however.
I was really leaning towards a carnivorous plant garden, but I have known several people who keep or have kept them, and it seems a little to advanced for my gardening skills. I am a mere novice yet. I am not much of a landscaper, my philosophy has always been "plant everything". Yet there is this little voice telling me, "what the hell, go for it". If I decide to go for it, I plan to go with Nepenthes, Butterworts, and sundews. I would love to have Venus Flytraps, but I read on several sites that they do not fair too well in terrariums.
If I go the smarter route and start simple, which I hate doing...I have no idea why I am hardwired to do the hardest things first! LOL. I favor the Vrieseas, ferns, calatheas, sinningia, episcia, and perhaps philodendrons. I wonder if Bleeding Hearts would fair in the environment? I live in Northwest Texas and have always had a hell of a time getting them to grow in this dry, hot climate. And of course I love things that vine...Moonflowers are insanely difficult to grow here, and I think one vining plant in the tank would be beautiful. I imagine it would need some training, but the picture I have in my head it gorgeous!!!
Does anyone have any tips? Or pictures of your own terrariums? I would be thrilled to see them!
This is Monika signing off... reminding you to Live Spherically!!
Several years ago, I decided I HAD to have an aquarium, there was no rest until I purchased my brand new 55 gallon tank with hand-crafted solid cherry stand. I bought lighting equipment, gravel, tank accessories, live plants, and I do not even want to discuss the amount of money I put into filters, tank conditioners, vitamins, meds (for ick), bubble curtains, flake, freeze dried shrimp, feeder fish, and the actual fish; let's just say after calculating it...the amount was obscene.
So here we are, down to our last fish a plecostumous (sp?) that will just NOT die! He is huge, nearly as long as my arm. He has had the tank to himself for the last year or so and a few hours ago I walked in to find him dead. I should perhaps feel sad, he is the first fish I ever purchased and the poor guy has survived a lot of shit over the years but NO, I am relieved. Finally, no more fish.
Moving right along, I get to thinking just how much I actually invested in this take and stand alone; and I am not so sure I just want to get rid of it. Of course, I could really use the space it is taking up, but... at any rate this got me to wondering what exactly I could re-use it for and I could come up with nothing. Low and behold, I Googled it... and you would not believe some of the shit people do with old aquariums.
I came across something rather interesting, in fact it is almost a dying art. Terrariums!
Of course you see them amongst animal enthusiasts (vivariums) but how often do people actually walk into homes anymore and see a terrarium? I know they are out there, I know people still grow them... but I confess, I have not walked into a home since I was a child and seen a terrarium.
In the spirit of living "more spherically", I really got to thinking that, that is something I'd like to take a crack at. I already fancy gardening, it is something I have never tried and it is very much my speed in the sense that it is nearly a "set it, and forget it" (damn Ron Popeil) sort of thing. I have spend the last four hours brushing up on terrariums and I honestly think I can handle it. I am a little sketchy about what to plant however.
I was really leaning towards a carnivorous plant garden, but I have known several people who keep or have kept them, and it seems a little to advanced for my gardening skills. I am a mere novice yet. I am not much of a landscaper, my philosophy has always been "plant everything". Yet there is this little voice telling me, "what the hell, go for it". If I decide to go for it, I plan to go with Nepenthes, Butterworts, and sundews. I would love to have Venus Flytraps, but I read on several sites that they do not fair too well in terrariums.
If I go the smarter route and start simple, which I hate doing...I have no idea why I am hardwired to do the hardest things first! LOL. I favor the Vrieseas, ferns, calatheas, sinningia, episcia, and perhaps philodendrons. I wonder if Bleeding Hearts would fair in the environment? I live in Northwest Texas and have always had a hell of a time getting them to grow in this dry, hot climate. And of course I love things that vine...Moonflowers are insanely difficult to grow here, and I think one vining plant in the tank would be beautiful. I imagine it would need some training, but the picture I have in my head it gorgeous!!!
Does anyone have any tips? Or pictures of your own terrariums? I would be thrilled to see them!
This is Monika signing off... reminding you to Live Spherically!!
Monday, July 19, 2010
A dustin' and A Cleanin'
I have been one busy woman today. I woke up, I cleaned, I relocated the better half of the contents in my home to the dumpster...
Around Thanksgiving time last year a "friend" who hasn't been much of a friend essentually railroaded me into letting her keep her things here. The woman moved in the middle of the night from Florida to Texas, with two small children in tow. She used to be such a close friend but I am sad to say she has turned into your typical "Meth Mom". At any rate she dropped off enough items to completely fill an entire room after I said, " No I don't think so". Shows up out of the blue, I felt terrible for saying no..etc. SO, she ends up leaving back to Florida a week later and leaves all her things here telling me she will return for it in two weeks. It seems her mother was scheduled for emergency open-heart surgery. Well, allegedly she get's caught with weapons (knives) on the bus and according to greyhound bus lines, it is a felony; but because she had two small children, they decide to let her continue the extra hour home with her children. They kept the knives.
About three days later Greyhound contacts her and they proceed to feed her with a line that if she would like to come claim her property etc... It turns out she was arrested on the spot and spend a week and a half in jail before she could bond out. Leaving her mother with her children, and unable to have her emergency surgery.
She rescheduled. So the woman in question is out of jail for about five days when she is arrested again. She collect calls me from jail to tell me she was busted with anhydrous and copped an intent to manufacture charge. Now, to my understanding, that alone is 24yrs?? (can anyone confirm that?) After finding that out, she contacts me again via collect call from jail and tells me she also was busted with 14grams of meth and in a stolen vehicle. At this point, I am thinking... okay, damn..you are fucked. For some reason she was really cool and almost delusional about it. I assume it is the drugs. I have no idea.
So, like I said, I figure she is going to be there for quite some time. I decided that I am not a storage shelter and I have had her items for far longer than 90 days, and I just have no room in my home because of her things. I would have put them in the shed, but again... no room. So I went through her things and kept things like her childrens' birth certificatesbut beyond that- the poor thing literally brought me garbage.
One bag was a 30 gallon black trashbag with literal garbage in it. empty bottles, food bags etc.
Now, I basically told you that to tell you this...
I have been insanely sick for the last 6 months or more. Symptoms including dizziness, nosebleeds, coughing and congestion, spontaneous rashes, nausea and anemia. I absolutely could not figure out what my problem was... So as I am cleaning her things out of my back room. I come across a bag of old toys that had obviously been rained on and they were moldy and mildewed - I never smelled the bag, but when I opened it... I am telling you the smell about knocked me on my ass. I had to haul ass to the ladies-with my hand over my mouth, it literally smelled like decaying bodies. upon throwing it out and getting rid of it, I realized I was feeling much better, more energetic, no constant coughing and sneezing...I just had a feeling of general wellness. Me, being me... had to run and Google mold allergy symptoms which are:
Around Thanksgiving time last year a "friend" who hasn't been much of a friend essentually railroaded me into letting her keep her things here. The woman moved in the middle of the night from Florida to Texas, with two small children in tow. She used to be such a close friend but I am sad to say she has turned into your typical "Meth Mom". At any rate she dropped off enough items to completely fill an entire room after I said, " No I don't think so". Shows up out of the blue, I felt terrible for saying no..etc. SO, she ends up leaving back to Florida a week later and leaves all her things here telling me she will return for it in two weeks. It seems her mother was scheduled for emergency open-heart surgery. Well, allegedly she get's caught with weapons (knives) on the bus and according to greyhound bus lines, it is a felony; but because she had two small children, they decide to let her continue the extra hour home with her children. They kept the knives.
About three days later Greyhound contacts her and they proceed to feed her with a line that if she would like to come claim her property etc... It turns out she was arrested on the spot and spend a week and a half in jail before she could bond out. Leaving her mother with her children, and unable to have her emergency surgery.
She rescheduled. So the woman in question is out of jail for about five days when she is arrested again. She collect calls me from jail to tell me she was busted with anhydrous and copped an intent to manufacture charge. Now, to my understanding, that alone is 24yrs?? (can anyone confirm that?) After finding that out, she contacts me again via collect call from jail and tells me she also was busted with 14grams of meth and in a stolen vehicle. At this point, I am thinking... okay, damn..you are fucked. For some reason she was really cool and almost delusional about it. I assume it is the drugs. I have no idea.
So, like I said, I figure she is going to be there for quite some time. I decided that I am not a storage shelter and I have had her items for far longer than 90 days, and I just have no room in my home because of her things. I would have put them in the shed, but again... no room. So I went through her things and kept things like her childrens' birth certificatesbut beyond that- the poor thing literally brought me garbage.
One bag was a 30 gallon black trashbag with literal garbage in it. empty bottles, food bags etc.
Now, I basically told you that to tell you this...
I have been insanely sick for the last 6 months or more. Symptoms including dizziness, nosebleeds, coughing and congestion, spontaneous rashes, nausea and anemia. I absolutely could not figure out what my problem was... So as I am cleaning her things out of my back room. I come across a bag of old toys that had obviously been rained on and they were moldy and mildewed - I never smelled the bag, but when I opened it... I am telling you the smell about knocked me on my ass. I had to haul ass to the ladies-with my hand over my mouth, it literally smelled like decaying bodies. upon throwing it out and getting rid of it, I realized I was feeling much better, more energetic, no constant coughing and sneezing...I just had a feeling of general wellness. Me, being me... had to run and Google mold allergy symptoms which are:
Coughing up blood.
Nose bleeds.
Dizziness.
Nausea, vomiting and diarrhea.
Chest congestion.
Difficulty breathing.
Anemia.
Skin rashes.
Forgetfulness and memory loss.
Pulmonary hemorrhage.
Death.
Yeah... I honestly feel lucky, and thankful for once that I can be a raging bitch!
So to conclude, I finished cleaning the rest of her things out with almost nothing salvageable.
A part of me feels terrible and incredibly rude, but it was obviously affecting my health...so what could I really have done?
Tomorrow, I really need to finish getting my things organized and getting things back in an orderly condition. It is a relatively small home, but I am practically a hoarder, so needless to say...I have a lot of organizing to do. I almost feel overwhelmed. Not to mention, I have had the "Lazy Bones" lately.
Well this is Monika signing off...reminding you to live spherically!
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Confusing...
Things I just do not understand, which require and answer
such as asshole, moron, jerkwad, fool, liberal, fucktard, piss-lips etc.
These are listed in no particular order. Yet, numbered
as if they were...hmm?
1. Putting your turn-signal on--after you already hit the breaks!
2. Tampons on the little beach at Lake Meredith. Is that REALLY necessary?
3. People who do not understand the difference between a Theory and a Law
4. Why the makers of the Miracle Bra haven't been sued for creating false advertisements? Think about it.--But a woman can sue Danon Yogurt company because their "Activa" didn't make her poop or lose weight.
5. Low-rise pants on women that create muffin tops?
6. Spinner hubcaps?
7. Having a strong conviction but being unable to back it up.
8. Why you didn't take a shower and went to the supermarket?? Ewww.
9. People who have to use talking points to discuss anything. What's the point?
10. People who cannot drive a traffic circle. Fuck Borger by the way.
11. People who complain about Bush-lerites taking away their civil liberties and destroying the Constitution, but then being unable to cite specific instances and examples.
12. Why do people ask me "se habla espanol?" I am like the whitest, white chick
ever, and I am from Pennsylvania...yea sure, Se habla espanol!
13. Why programming VCR's and DVD players confuse some people.
14. How some people have a green thumb using the same water and sunlight I do.
15. Is the Ark of the Convenant really in a small chapel in Ethiopia?
16. Why your obsession to clean, involves me?
17. Why Libs love petitions for everything??
18. Why parents' obsessions drive their children to become little lobbyists???
19. Why you think tailgating me is going to affect the speed at which I wish to travel.
20. Hating people one has never met with a deep, personal passion.
21. How a never used room gets dusty.
22. People who get sea-sick.
23. Why ugly, nasty furry spiders have to build their web right where I intend to walk.
24. How to get a linoleum floor, shiny and commercial clean?
25. Why golf balls are designed to curve to the right.
26. Why does the device quit working the minute the warrenty expires?
27. Reading the paper while driving
28. Why is there a bloody pad pasted to the stall door in the women's restroom in the mall?
29. Why do I have to pay for music when I know where to get it for free?
30. Mothers who assume "neglect" will teach their children independence.
31. Why can you take a dog out to piss/shit and they insist on taking an hour to walk around and sniff...only to come inside, walk around in a circle for two seconds and drop a load?
32. People who think I have no soul.
33. Woman who try to get a man to go to extremes to PROVE they love them.
34. Why am I supposed to watch my mouth at the hockey game?
35. Why can I not be served another DRINK! If I am standing...I AM NOT DRUNK!
36. That People are shocked that Don Imus called a bunch of black chicks
Nappy headed hos--Don Imus has always been a Dumbass!
37. People who hoard money like it is going with them.
38. People who read medical journals and convince themselves they have the most peculiar diseases.
39. Girls who get confused by shiny things.
40. Men who actually get off on manuvers like Dirty Sanchez and Dirty Ali Baba.
41. Wikipedia
42. The price of computers,cars, medicine and houses. We all need them.
43. Mid-morning television.
44. Things on places--where have all my clean lines and surfaces gone?
45. Big ugly armless statues- I have arms.
What confuses you?
The Aerial Spraying of Prozac
I have most recently decided that the people should be "crop-dusted" with Prozac.
It seems that many of the people in this fair hamlet find it commonplace to call the law and make complaints such as:
It seems that many of the people in this fair hamlet find it commonplace to call the law and make complaints such as:
"some whore" selling his belongings to buy meth for their household.
Now... he told the officers that he knew sLehe was buying meth for his and her use, he just didn't realize she was pawning and trading his belongings for the drugs. -- A bit retarded I feel. The man was actually shocked when they returned with a search warrant.
Alex Duncan of Houston Texas allegedly beat his 6 year old son for not going to sleep.
The father is accused of punching the boy in the chest, allegedly when Duncan didn't see his son with his eyes closed trying to sleep.
--
Now... he told the officers that he knew sLehe was buying meth for his and her use, he just didn't realize she was pawning and trading his belongings for the drugs. -- A bit retarded I feel. The man was actually shocked when they returned with a search warrant.
That was more of an instance of dumb criminals but lets explore further, shall we?
Alex Duncan of Houston Texas allegedly beat his 6 year old son for not going to sleep.
The father is accused of punching the boy in the chest, allegedly when Duncan didn't see his son with his eyes closed trying to sleep.
At this point, only a be-heading will help that guy.
What is it that goes on in the minds of people who commit such heinous acts?
What in them allows them to think that this sort of thing is ok?
The boy actually lived with his mother, and was merely visiting his father for the summer... and to think of his poor mother who expected nothing less than her child to come home to her safely...
Duncan's girlfriend, who allegedly witnessed the beating, faces a charge of injury to a child causing serious bodily injury by omission.
What woman in her right mind could stand by a man who is capable of punching a child?
Again, my heart goes out to the mother of the child.
What is it that goes on in the minds of people who commit such heinous acts?
What in them allows them to think that this sort of thing is ok?
The boy actually lived with his mother, and was merely visiting his father for the summer... and to think of his poor mother who expected nothing less than her child to come home to her safely...
Duncan's girlfriend, who allegedly witnessed the beating, faces a charge of injury to a child causing serious bodily injury by omission.
What woman in her right mind could stand by a man who is capable of punching a child?
Again, my heart goes out to the mother of the child.
--
I find it incredibly dreary to wake up in a world so devoid of compassion and a general kindness and respect for ones' neighbor. What ever happened to turning the other cheek?
When did people forget that patience was a virtue?
We rush and stammer constantly, always in such a rush to get no where so quickly.
It has become so horrible out there that it is no longer every evil deed making headlines... more often it is news of the month when something heroic takes place.
We are trapped in such hellish and chaotic times that we've begun to chronicle simple kindness' and what does that say about us as a society...?
I could sit here and rant about " the future of our children" and don't get me wrong... I think we are fucking it up for our children...
But what about us, what about my generation...Our parents laid the foreground for the revolution and raised most of us with the belief of free love, free thinkers and mysticism... The old "what is blue is really green?" or "What if up , is really down?" Meanwhile my generation is completely fucked because all the while they were stoned off their asses and three sheets to the wind...practicing that free love, and drug exploration shit... MY GENERATION raised themselves on "fruit by the foot" and "Ramen Noodles" wandering about, weaving in and out of half naked adults who can barely stand. Almost gives you an explanation of why exactly most of us have no morals or self-discipline. It is certainly no excuse... but in a round about why for me personally, it provides me with an explanation and a brand of enlightenment.
I suppose that concludes this boorish rant.
Monika Signing off here, reminding you to live spherically!
When did people forget that patience was a virtue?
We rush and stammer constantly, always in such a rush to get no where so quickly.
It has become so horrible out there that it is no longer every evil deed making headlines... more often it is news of the month when something heroic takes place.
We are trapped in such hellish and chaotic times that we've begun to chronicle simple kindness' and what does that say about us as a society...?
I could sit here and rant about " the future of our children" and don't get me wrong... I think we are fucking it up for our children...
But what about us, what about my generation...Our parents laid the foreground for the revolution and raised most of us with the belief of free love, free thinkers and mysticism... The old "what is blue is really green?" or "What if up , is really down?" Meanwhile my generation is completely fucked because all the while they were stoned off their asses and three sheets to the wind...practicing that free love, and drug exploration shit... MY GENERATION raised themselves on "fruit by the foot" and "Ramen Noodles" wandering about, weaving in and out of half naked adults who can barely stand. Almost gives you an explanation of why exactly most of us have no morals or self-discipline. It is certainly no excuse... but in a round about why for me personally, it provides me with an explanation and a brand of enlightenment.
I suppose that concludes this boorish rant.
Monika Signing off here, reminding you to live spherically!
Lazing about in French
Greetings and salutations, it is me coming to you live once again.
It was a fairly slow day for me. I spent the day watching foreign films. French cinema to be exact. I rarely watch foreign films and I must say... I enjoyed it.
I suggest everyone look into "Il y a longtemps que je t'aime" (I have loved you so long). (2008)
After fifteen years in prison for murdering her son Pierre, the former medical doctor Juliette Fontaine travels to Lorraine to live on probation with her younger sister Léa and her family. The bitter, introspective and reclusive Juliette has spent her sentence without any visitors and totally forgotten by her family and now she has problems interacting with her brother-in-law Luc and her nieces. She has to visit every other week her probation officer Captain Fauré and seeks a job to rebuild her life. As days go by, Juliette gets closer to the family of her sister and befriends Luc and Léa's friends, specially Lea's colleague Michel. She slowly changes her behavior until the day Léa discovers the truth about the death of Pierre.
Absolutely brilliant, you'll love it.
_______________________________________________________________
With that out of the way I can move on and tell you what happened to me at exactly mid-night.
I walked into the kitchen, thinking about a male friend who has been dead and gone for several years when out of the blue a Budweiser bottle top hit me right in the middle of my forehead!
Now, in this house, we don't drink Budweiser. We happen to drink Keystone, Michelob, or Bud Light...but never never Budweiser; which coincidentally happened to be Marks' brand. I am not exactly jumping to conclusions... and instead choose to believe my friend was just saying hello.
I think I will close on that note...
Remember to live spherically!
It was a fairly slow day for me. I spent the day watching foreign films. French cinema to be exact. I rarely watch foreign films and I must say... I enjoyed it.
I suggest everyone look into "Il y a longtemps que je t'aime" (I have loved you so long). (2008)
After fifteen years in prison for murdering her son Pierre, the former medical doctor Juliette Fontaine travels to Lorraine to live on probation with her younger sister Léa and her family. The bitter, introspective and reclusive Juliette has spent her sentence without any visitors and totally forgotten by her family and now she has problems interacting with her brother-in-law Luc and her nieces. She has to visit every other week her probation officer Captain Fauré and seeks a job to rebuild her life. As days go by, Juliette gets closer to the family of her sister and befriends Luc and Léa's friends, specially Lea's colleague Michel. She slowly changes her behavior until the day Léa discovers the truth about the death of Pierre.
Absolutely brilliant, you'll love it.
_______________________________________________________________
With that out of the way I can move on and tell you what happened to me at exactly mid-night.
I walked into the kitchen, thinking about a male friend who has been dead and gone for several years when out of the blue a Budweiser bottle top hit me right in the middle of my forehead!
Now, in this house, we don't drink Budweiser. We happen to drink Keystone, Michelob, or Bud Light...but never never Budweiser; which coincidentally happened to be Marks' brand. I am not exactly jumping to conclusions... and instead choose to believe my friend was just saying hello.
I think I will close on that note...
Remember to live spherically!
References: IMDb Copyright © 1990-2010 IMDb.com, Inc.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
A Circle Has No Beginning
Living Spherically? No short task.
Remember the "crazy blond"? Who incidentally had some wonderful advise.
The advice was to “live spherically — in many directions at once.”
This is the first entry into my new life of Living Spherically.
Each day, I will be posting an entry and hopefully taking those steps to live a more
balanced and well-rounded life. Chaos is no way to live and I have put an end to it right this minute.
I think for most of us, we look at the statement and say, okay-fine. I will live spherically.
But what does it really mean? I suppose it is slightly open for interpretation. No doubt each individual will look at the statement and apply it to his/her own life and make the conclusions thereafter. Which, I suppose really is the point of most bits of advise.
For me personally, I look at the statement and imagine all the things I want my life to mean when it is all said and done. When I look back, I want to feel as if I really tasted life.
I am already eclectic, which literally means selecting or choosing from various sources.
But do I live spherically? No. I think the answer is no.
I can derive beliefs from various religion(s), I can listen to a wide variety of music, I can choose from a plethora of menus. . . But that is not exactly spherical.
Background info: Four years ago, I had a miscarriage and took up the bottle. The last four years have been chaos, turmoil, and a haze of self-abuse and depression. Of course, I have put on an insane amount of weight and lately have had a general dis-like for myself. Now, I know that it wasn't my fault and that I possibly handled the situation poorly but that is just how I roll.
I also have this thing about being alone, and here lately I am feeling it more than ever. My mother left town, my sisters left town and I find myself in foreign territory. I have always felt lonely but this is different and I fear I will take it harshly if I don't start doing something about the way I think and feel.
Of course there are a number of tragedies that make up my life, and I am sure you will all get a sample of them in the future but for now...
Moving on....
For me, I think living spherically is delving in to each subject you can get your hands on. I am not specifically referring to knowledge alone. But yes, there are so many things to be discovered by reading and learning.
My goals for living "More Spherically"
1) Dancing. Something that simple-- so many of us cannot really dance. I find ballroom dancing captivating. Why then, should I not learn?
2) Finishing a novel. I am a writer. I write poetry and short stories constantly. Many of them published. I want to finish my biography and so I shall continue to work on it.
3) Playing the piano. I've always loved it, yet I've never taken the time or initiative to learn.
4) Teaching myself spiritual discipline. -- I have never been a disciplined person. I have no grounds for a firm belief system. I know what I believe, but why do I believe them?
5) Gardening. I have a wonderful love gardening, but my green thumb is turning brown.
6) Cooking. I love to cook, and I happen to be rather good in the kitchen but I stick with the same old things because I know I like them.
Which leads me to...
7) Experimenting more. Not just in cooking, but everything in my life, I stick with what I know and rarely branch out and test the waters of unfamiliar territory. I think #7 is the most important of my "Living Spherically" challenge.
8) Letting the people I love, know I love them. This is not something I do. I tend to be a very closed off and shut down individual. I don't find that fair to either party.
9) Being more gentle with myself. I tend to judge myself to harshly and critically.
10) Having strong convictions but no real means or source to back them up-STOP IT!
So there we are 10 goals which may not exactly be achieved to the letter, but it seems like a simple enough guideline to begin. Stay tuned. I am sure this will get sticky but with a little support... well, we'll just have to see.
So this is Monika signing off, reminding you to live spherically!
P.s. Any Suggestions? What are you doing to live more spherically?
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