I woke up ALONE

For two weeks now, it's been the two of us. No fighting, no arguing, nothing ill or tormenting. We laughed, talked, cracked all the good jokes and fuck have we been full of them...The people around us noticed the change, said it was about time we evened out and we giggled as they got sick of our games. We both know, they just don't "play" right.

You held & kissed my hands, sat on my feet when they were cold, popped my toes, rubbed my neck, brushed my hair out of my eyes, turned other women down, shared a bed with me every single night and spent your every waking moments with me. In a way, you've given me the best gift you could have; peace. Thank you for that.

Last night, I couldn't get comfortable. Our usual bed was occupied and we tried to share a single...I had to go home and I think you got quite offended that I was "leaving" you. The look on your face, sheer disappointment. The oddity...is I know you have put that look on my face more than once and I doubt you batted an eye, myself on the other hand...felt so guilty over something I considered so trivial.

I watched you snap up, throw on your clothes and shoes...I offered you a ride and you refused it. I asked if you were angry, and you gave me that look again and walked away, leaving me standing there in the cold misty morning, barefoot and confused. I didn't realize you suddenly couldn't be without me, I didn't recognize that change over.

I came home at 4:30am, to an empty house. I woke up freezing for the first time in two weeks. I woke up for the first time in years feeling utterly alone.
I immediately thought of this song and began to sing it, and I miss you today. I am writing this now, with my door open, hoping you'll walk up like you have every day. I am looking for that knowing and content goofy grin I have seen as of late. I am smoking my cigarette, and longing for my favorite chess partner. But, through the repetition of our relationship I have learned that it will be days before I see or hear from you again. For some reason what you confuse with rejection deems you cowardly for a few days. And now, after reading this, and considering the past few months...I suddenly don't feel so guilty...but, I still woke up alone.