For My Brother - Blue october

For some reason- this song seems to be hitting home for me at the moment. I am in a "funny" and sort of "longing" mood. Perhaps, I am just missing my little sister. She's not been gone long, but we've never really been apart. As much as we fight and argue, her being gone, is akin to loosing my right arm. It would be fair to say there is a hint of jealously in the air where she is concerned. I miss my family to depths and levels indescribable...but I don't have the fortitude to endure them anymore. Yet, she is.  Even though I know she is going at it blindly, and will more than likely figure out that everything I ever told her in regards to that side of the family has been the level truth... I fear for her sanity, health, and stability. FOR THE FIRST TIME, I feel like there is nothing I can do to help her through this one. And when I talk to her...I've got so many things to say, so many things I want to convey to her; but a giant lump chokes me every time and I can do nothing but tell her I love her and I am glad things are well for her. I don't know when I started hiding myself from her, or when she stopped seeing my intentions where she is concerned we're always authentic...but it pains me to think that she is convinced I dream of her demise. Simply not true but I can no longer waste my breathe describing to her in depth of my motivations. I think that makes me a bit of a martyr, I will take all people have to give, I have even stated that "my shoulders are strong enough for the weight."

I really am scared to make another mistake, where my family is concerned. It seems like I resemble them in  blood type alone. I am not sure I am apart of them in any other aspect. Of course, this is not a new feeling. I have never really felt as though I was wanted or if I belonged to them. It never hit home, until the last few days while listening to the way my mother talks to me vs. my sisters-- I suppose I will never understand why I am the ostracized party. What's more, it never mattered before, never mattered about the things my mother said to me and the way she speaks, the things that cross her mind in my presence because I had my sister who understood me. All of that is gone now, and I wound up alone.

I made such stupid choices in my life, almost from the moment I could walk... I was doing the complete opposite of what was expected or what was required. I've heard my entire life, "I'll never understand you, Monika".  So I find we have yet another thing in common, I'll never understand me either.

Well Cousins- This is Me... signing off, reminding you to live spherically!

Organizings one's finer details

Well now, last night was certainly interesting. I re-read my post, and yes...I was quite obviously drunk. I was going to delete it, save myself a little embarrassment but I figured it would kind of defeat the purpose of why exactly I started this blog nonsense. Not to mention, those who know, know that I have some crazy ideas and opinions sometimes-- And when it comes to writing, I tend to think that sometimes words, no matter how influenced by alcohol, sorrow, anger, etc. are just begging to be out in the world. With that said...I have one of two stories to tell of yesterday/last night. But for now, I think we'll go with the most embarrassing moment of the trip ... thus far.

As we all know, I was drinking last night, rather heavily, as it were. Being that this is a non-smoking establishment, I had to go outside to smoke. Of course, I took my room key and cell-phone. I finish, and walk back in. I saw nothing and it was silent as the grave once inside... I was sort of in and out of it, in my own little world, minding my own business... and that is when it happened! I dropped my cellphone. I sort of went with the "bend and snap" method and my "snap" landed my face right into a strangers' "danger zone"!!! I turn beet red immediately, knowing I have to make eye contact in mere seconds As soon as I right myself and look into the face of this stranger, I am met with a wry smile and then he spoke, "Well, it is certainly nice to meet you too" he said in a humble yet slightly flirtatious manner. It was riddled with laughter, and I knew he wanted to fall over, clutching his ribs but he conducted himself as a complete gentleman of perhaps 55. I said absolutely NOTHING- I sort of made an attempt to stutter something out and got perhaps as far as, "uhh...uh...I..." knowing there was nothing I could say to right the situation, there was no way to save face...it was too late, I did it again...I made a COMPLETE ass out of myself!!!

And there you have it... that is about #4 out of My personal  top 10 of Most Embarrassing Moments.
Thank GAWD!!! I never have to come back here again if I don't want to.


Signing off - Live SPHERICALLY!


<---To hide my face!

The Charms of Travling with Ones' Mother

  Where oh where to begin... it has been interesting to say the very least... in an opening line.

I, who so very rarely spends the day with my mother, who finds more joy in a life 135 miles away...for obvious reasons to anyone who has "one of those" mothers; have or has (you apply correct grammar, I am tired...and drunk-ish) been filled...no, been side-swiped with an abandoned and perhaps, nearly condemned sense of capability. Does it not amaze even you, just how much you can swallow with a willing and influential mouth/throat?

At times, I am at a loss of words...there are times when I have so much to share with my kindred that I do NOT even  know where to begin. Be it rejection, or perhaps self-preservation...I am meandering with the facts that create what is most usually, but not without regrets;  my life. I stammer, I choke, I pray, I try to understand, and did I say,  pray. There are many things about me, that make me an easy target for hatred...but I love...and I dare you to deny that I care. Choke now, if you doubt my sincerity.

B.s aside. I drove. Six hours, even more,  including the stops (BECAUSE my mother no longer allows "smoke" in her car). She is suddenly above Falter. Ah, well..Blessed Be. Grace to those who follow their ideals and presumptions. Again...moving on. Confusion. a conscience will to meander BECAUSE dejection is easier than facing fact and speculation. There are a few humorous stories in here, a few pictures...that I have yet to capture...and I will get back to them...but for now we (I) am feeling the whole of disappointment with just a single CUNT hair of disheartenment. Odd how a night in search of intricacy and acceptance can lead to the feelings of complete debasement and repudiation. Such is life Cousins, such is life. 

Again...this leads me to PURPOSE. Tell me, have you been so G. D. (being gracious) clever to discover yours? I know where it ends for me... but when can you stand up with that mega-phone and shout to Mt. Etna..."Fuck You?" --Make you a deal... Swallow your pride, admit defeat and I will wretch pain til the heavens cease my sorrow and lamentations.  Uh yeah, ... thank you, come again.

To be honest, this is the sole ramblings of one so gracefully forgotten.

*best Paul Harvey voice* Good Day

*Me: Live Spherically, even when "squares" fit the bill.

As an added note: Live. Even with that BBQ stain on that white t-shirt.

I need a cigarette, perhaps the realist thing or emotion I face @ 5:11am but there it is. 

Take me for sweet, and love me for the bitters.

Tonight, I challenge you to  Live Spherically.

The Joys of Canning & Nostalgia

I'll keep this one short and sweet...

In the spirit of Living Spherically, I tried something new tonight.

I canned!  

I know your probably thinking, "so what" and that's alright; but for me... it was a learning experience and I can absolutely say "I've done that before". It brought back so many memories of watching my mother can jams, and pie fillings and my grandmother in all her old world charm waking up at 4:00am to can fruits and veggies for days, at harvest time. I thought of a dear friend who passed away; who was, well for lack of better words, My mothers' angel. She used to make the most delicious, "completely from scratch" dishes and can them for us. Her specialty was jellies & jams -- I thought of Jeannie Jelly as we called it, and smiled all night long. For the first time in weeks, when I lay down to sleep there will be a comfort. One that, I am not so sure I can explain, seeing as to how it spawned from something like Canning.

For those of you who may be wondering what I canned- My famous chili. --- Okay okay, I confess it isn't world renowned but my family LOVES it.

Closing this one tonight sending out some special thanks:

Jeannie Kirkpatrick- thought about you through the entire process
My Mom- for all the cookbooks
My Oma-for the original recipe
Vahj-For motivating me with tales of your pickle canning!

Reminding you to-Live Spherically and sometimes...Hysterically!

Tips for Natural Cleaning

I am on this kick lately ... not so much a "going green" kick, but more along the lines of being convinced our parents and grandparents really had a cheaper, safer way to get things done that provide the exact same,  and often times; better results. In that light, I shall proceed with some "tips" to get your chores done in a pinch.

Natural Cleaning Solution:

- 1 tsp borax
- 3 TB white vinegar
- 2 cups water
- 1 TB dish soap
- optional: peppermint oil (or other essential oil)

Mix in a recycled (well-rinsed/cleaned)spray bottle-Label accordingly. Safe for pets. Eliminates breathing of hazardous chemicals. (By Dr. Oz)

Natural Disinfecting Spray:

-Two separate Spray bottles
-Fill one with White Vinegar
-Fill other with Hydrogen Peroxide
-Spray first with Vinegar, then with Peroxide.

It can be used on any surface in your bathroom!
This is, by far, better than any disinfectant you can buy in the store.  

Natural Deodorizer: 

-Baking Soda!

Bathrooms:

Tip For cleaning your tub or shower: Use the Baking Soda around your wet tub. It will make a paste then you can scrub it clean naturally. Rinse with your natural disinfectant spray for extra disinfecting!

Tip for getting rid of rings in your toilet: Make a paste of Cream of Tartar and hydrogen peroxide, let rest for one hour before scrubbing lightly.

Tip for cleaning your toilet: Use seltzer tablets! Drop two in the bowl, wait for them to completely dissolve, then flush. Your toilet will sparkle!

Tip for removing rust from from sinks, tubs and toilets: A mixture of salt and lemon juice- you may want to use a toothbrush to get in those crevices!

Tip for cleaning mirrors: Club Soda! Spray it on, wipe it off. It is cheaper and a much better shine than the leading glass cleaner.

Tip for soap-scum and mildew prevention: you can use car wax! Clean shower thoroughly first. Then rub a coat of car wax all over the tile. Be sure to not get it on the floor; it will be slippery! This will repel water and prevent mildew.

Kitchens:

Tip for clogged drains: Sprinkle 1/2 cup of baking soda down the drain, then pour 1 cup of vinegar. Followed by two cups of boiling water. You can do this once a month for prevention as well.

Tip for removing rust from steel items: Crumble up a piece of foil shiny side out, it takes a little elbow grease, but it works. For stainless steel, dip the foil into coca-cola and scrub.
 A potato, cut lengthwise, dipped into salt or baking will remove rust. Be sure to wet the surface lightly before scrubbing. Rinse thoroughly.  

Tip for stains on plastics: Set outside and let the sun naturally bleach them.

Tip to remove tarnish from your silver: Line a porcelain sink with aluminum foil. Lay your pieces of silver on top of the foil, making sure each piece of silver touches the foil, then pour boiling water to cover the silver. Add a cup of baking soda and let sit 1 hour. Remove the silver and dry. Polish with a dry cloth. This will save you time and money and your silver will shine!

Tip to remove burned food on pots and pans: sprinkle dry dishwasher detergent over the bottom, add 2-3 inches of water. Place in oven, or on top of stove, and heat until boiling. Remove from heat and cool until warm. Put a pair of glove on and clean. Grease and burned food will lift right off. This works great! Be sure not to let the water evaporate or it will be worse!

FYI: There are 6000x more germs in the kitchen sink than in the commode

Don't use a sponge more than a month because it carries germs from surface to surface.  

Have you tried any of these?

Do you have a few tips of your own?

Tell us about them!!!

References: www.priceless-home-remedies.com 

Terrariums & Theories

Ahh well the ideas that come to some of us in the wee hours of the morning...

Several years ago, I decided I HAD to have an aquarium, there was no rest until I purchased my brand new 55 gallon tank with hand-crafted solid cherry stand. I bought lighting equipment, gravel, tank accessories, live plants, and I do not even want to discuss the amount of money I put into filters, tank conditioners, vitamins, meds (for ick), bubble curtains, flake, freeze dried shrimp, feeder fish, and the actual fish; let's just say after calculating it...the amount was obscene.

So here we are, down to our last fish a plecostumous (sp?) that will just NOT die! He is huge, nearly as long as my arm. He has had the tank to himself for the last year or so and a few hours ago I walked in to find him dead. I should perhaps feel sad, he is the first fish I ever purchased and the poor guy has survived a lot of shit over the years but NO, I am relieved. Finally, no more fish.

Moving right along, I get to thinking just how much I actually invested in this take and stand alone; and I am not so sure I just want to get rid of it. Of course, I could really use the space it is taking up, but... at any rate this got me to wondering what exactly I could re-use it for and I could come up with nothing. Low and behold, I Googled it... and you would not believe some of the shit people do with old aquariums.

I came across something rather interesting, in fact it is almost a dying art. Terrariums!
Of course you see them amongst animal enthusiasts (vivariums) but how often do people actually walk into homes anymore and see a terrarium? I know they are out there, I know people still grow them... but I confess, I have not walked into a home since I was a child and seen a terrarium.

In the spirit of living "more spherically", I really got to thinking that, that is something I'd like to take a crack at. I already fancy gardening, it is something I have never tried and it is very much my speed in the sense that it is nearly a "set it, and forget it" (damn Ron Popeil) sort of thing. I have spend the last four hours brushing up on terrariums and I honestly think I can handle it. I am a little sketchy about what to plant however.

I was really leaning towards a carnivorous plant garden, but I have known several people who keep or have kept them, and it seems a little to advanced for my gardening skills. I am a mere novice yet. I am not much of a landscaper, my philosophy has always been "plant everything". Yet there is this little voice telling me, "what the hell, go for it".  If I decide to go for it, I plan to go with Nepenthes, Butterworts, and sundews. I would love to have Venus Flytraps, but I read on several sites that they do not fair too well in terrariums.

If I go the smarter route and start simple, which I hate doing...I have no idea why I am hardwired to do the hardest things first! LOL. I favor the Vrieseas, ferns, calatheas, sinningia, episcia, and perhaps philodendrons. I wonder if Bleeding Hearts would fair in the environment? I live in Northwest Texas and have always had a hell of a time getting them to grow in this dry, hot climate. And of course I love things that vine...Moonflowers are insanely difficult to grow here, and I think one vining plant in the tank would be beautiful. I imagine it would need some training, but the picture I have in my head it gorgeous!!! 


Does anyone have any tips? Or pictures of your own terrariums? I would be thrilled to see them!


This is Monika signing off... reminding you to Live Spherically!!

A dustin' and A Cleanin'

I have been one busy woman today. I woke up, I cleaned, I relocated the better half of the contents in my home to the dumpster...

Around Thanksgiving time last year a "friend" who hasn't been much of a friend essentually railroaded me into letting her keep her things here. The woman moved in the middle of the night from Florida to Texas, with two small children in tow. She used to be such a close friend but I am sad to say she has turned into your typical "Meth Mom". At any rate she dropped off enough items to completely fill an entire room after I said, " No I don't think so".  Shows up out of the blue, I felt terrible for saying no..etc. SO, she ends up leaving back to Florida a week later and leaves all her things here telling me she will return for it in two weeks. It seems her mother was scheduled for emergency open-heart surgery. Well, allegedly she get's caught with weapons (knives) on the bus and according to greyhound bus lines, it is a felony; but because she had two small children, they decide to let her continue the extra hour home with her children. They kept the knives.

About three days later Greyhound contacts her and they proceed to feed her with a line that if she would like to come claim her property etc... It turns out she was arrested on the spot and spend a week and a half in jail before she could bond out. Leaving her mother with her children, and unable to have her emergency surgery.
She rescheduled. So the woman in question is out of jail for about five days when she is arrested again. She collect calls me from jail to tell me she was busted with anhydrous and copped an intent to manufacture charge. Now, to my understanding, that alone is 24yrs?? (can anyone confirm that?) After finding that out, she contacts me again via collect call from jail and tells me she also was busted with 14grams of meth and in a stolen vehicle. At this point, I am thinking... okay, damn..you are fucked. For some reason she was really cool and almost delusional about it. I assume it is the drugs. I have no idea.

So, like I said, I figure she is going to be there for quite some time. I decided that I am not a storage shelter and I have had her items for far longer than 90 days, and I just have no room in my home because of her things. I would have put them in the shed, but again... no room. So I went through her things and kept things like her childrens' birth certificatesbut beyond that- the poor thing literally brought me garbage.

One bag was a 30 gallon black trashbag with literal garbage in it. empty bottles, food bags etc.

Now, I basically told you that to tell you this...
I have been insanely sick for the last 6 months or more. Symptoms including dizziness, nosebleeds, coughing and congestion, spontaneous rashes, nausea and anemia. I absolutely could not figure out what my problem was... So as I am cleaning her things out of my back room. I come across a bag of old toys that had obviously been rained on and they were moldy and mildewed - I never smelled the bag, but when I opened it... I am telling you the smell about knocked me on my ass. I had to haul ass to the ladies-with my hand over my mouth, it literally smelled like decaying bodies. upon throwing it out and getting rid of it, I realized I was feeling much better, more energetic, no constant coughing and sneezing...I just had a feeling of general wellness. Me, being me... had to run and Google mold allergy symptoms which are:

Coughing up blood.

Nose bleeds.

Dizziness.

Nausea, vomiting and diarrhea.

Chest congestion.

Difficulty breathing.

Anemia.

Skin rashes.

Forgetfulness and memory loss.

Pulmonary hemorrhage.

Death.

Yeah... I honestly feel lucky, and thankful for once that I can be a raging bitch!

So to conclude, I finished cleaning the rest of her things out with almost nothing salvageable.

A part of me feels terrible and incredibly rude, but it was obviously affecting my health...so what could I really have done?

Tomorrow, I really need to finish getting my things organized and getting things back in an orderly condition. It is a relatively small home, but I am practically a hoarder, so needless to say...I have a lot of organizing to do. I almost feel overwhelmed. Not to mention, I have had the "Lazy Bones" lately. 

Well this is Monika signing off...reminding you to live spherically! 

Confusing...

Things I just do not understand, which require and answer

beyond descriptors,
such as asshole, moron, jerkwad, fool, liberal, fucktard, piss-lips etc.

These are listed in no particular order. Yet, numbered
as if they were...hmm?

1. Putting your turn-signal on--after you already hit the breaks!

2. Tampons on the little beach at Lake Meredith. Is that REALLY necessary?

3. People who do not understand the difference between a Theory and a Law

4. Why the makers of the Miracle Bra haven't been sued for creating false advertisements? Think about it.--But a woman can sue Danon Yogurt company because their "Activa" didn't make her poop or lose weight.

5. Low-rise pants on women that create muffin tops?

6. Spinner hubcaps?

7. Having a strong conviction but being unable to back it up.

8. Why you didn't take a shower and went to the supermarket?? Ewww.

9. People who have to use talking points to discuss anything. What's the point?

10. People who cannot drive a traffic circle. Fuck Borger by the way.

11. People who complain about Bush-lerites taking away their civil liberties and destroying the Constitution, but then being unable to cite specific instances and examples.

12. Why do people ask me "se habla espanol?" I am like the whitest, white chick
ever, and I am from Pennsylvania...yea sure, Se habla espanol!

13. Why programming VCR's and DVD players confuse some people.

14. How some people have a green thumb using the same water and sunlight I do.

15. Is the Ark of the Convenant really in a small chapel in Ethiopia?

16. Why your obsession to clean, involves me?

17. Why Libs love petitions for everything??

18. Why parents' obsessions drive their children to become little lobbyists???

19. Why you think tailgating me is going to affect the speed at which I wish to travel.

20. Hating people one has never met with a deep, personal passion.

21. How a never used room gets dusty.

22. People who get sea-sick.

23. Why ugly, nasty furry spiders have to build their web right where I intend to walk.

24. How to get a linoleum floor, shiny and commercial clean?

25. Why golf balls are designed to curve to the right.

26. Why does the device quit working the minute the warrenty expires?

27. Reading the paper while driving

28. Why is there a bloody pad pasted to the stall door in the women's restroom in the mall?

29. Why do I have to pay for music when I know where to get it for free?

30. Mothers who assume "neglect" will teach their children independence.

31. Why can you take a dog out to piss/shit and they insist on taking an hour to walk around and sniff...only to come inside, walk around in a circle for two seconds and drop a load?

32. People who think I have no soul.

33. Woman who try to get a man to go to extremes to PROVE they love them.

34. Why am I supposed to watch my mouth at the hockey game?

35. Why can I not be served another DRINK! If I am standing...I AM NOT DRUNK!

36. That People are shocked that Don Imus called a bunch of black chicks
Nappy headed hos--Don Imus has always been a Dumbass!

37. People who hoard money like it is going with them.

38. People who read medical journals and convince themselves they have the most peculiar diseases.

39. Girls who get confused by shiny things.

40. Men who actually get off on manuvers like Dirty Sanchez and Dirty Ali Baba.

41. Wikipedia

42. The price of computers,cars, medicine and houses. We all need them.

43. Mid-morning television.

44. Things on places--where have all my clean lines and surfaces gone?

45. Big ugly armless statues- I have arms.


What confuses you?

The Aerial Spraying of Prozac

I have most recently decided that the people should be "crop-dusted" with Prozac.
It seems that many of the people in this fair hamlet find it commonplace to call the law and make complaints such as:

"some whore" selling his belongings to buy meth for their household.
Now... he told the officers that he knew sLehe was buying meth for his and her use, he just didn't realize she was pawning and trading his belongings for the drugs. -- A bit retarded I feel. The man was actually shocked when they returned with a search warrant.

That was more of an instance of dumb criminals but lets explore further, shall we?

Alex Duncan of Houston Texas allegedly beat his 6 year old son for not going to sleep.
The father is accused of punching the boy in the chest, allegedly when Duncan didn't see his son with his eyes closed trying to sleep.

At this point, only a be-heading will help that guy.

What is it that goes on in the minds of people who commit such heinous acts?
What in them allows them to think that this sort of thing is ok?

The boy actually lived with his mother, and was merely visiting his father for the summer... and to think of his poor mother who expected nothing less than her child to come home to her safely...
Duncan's girlfriend, who allegedly witnessed the beating, faces a charge of injury to a child causing serious bodily injury by omission.

What woman in her right mind could stand by a man who is capable of punching a child?
Again, my heart goes out to the mother of the child.

--

I find it incredibly dreary to wake up in a world so devoid of compassion and a general kindness and respect for ones' neighbor. What ever happened to turning the other cheek?
When did people forget that patience was a virtue?

We rush and stammer constantly, always in such a rush to get no where so quickly.
It has become so horrible out there that it is no longer every evil deed making headlines... more often it is news of the month when something heroic takes place.
We are trapped in such hellish and chaotic times that we've begun to chronicle simple kindness' and what does that say about us as a society...?

I could sit here and rant about " the future of our children" and don't get me wrong... I think we are fucking it up for our children...
But what about us, what about my generation...Our parents laid the foreground for the revolution and raised most of us with the belief of free love, free thinkers and mysticism... The old "what is blue is really green?" or "What if up , is really down?" Meanwhile my generation is completely fucked because all the while they were stoned off their asses and three sheets to the wind...practicing that free love, and drug exploration shit... MY GENERATION raised themselves on "fruit by the foot" and "Ramen Noodles" wandering about, weaving in and out of half naked adults who can barely stand. Almost gives you an explanation of why exactly most of us have no morals or self-discipline. It is certainly no excuse... but in a round about why for me personally, it provides me with an explanation and a brand of enlightenment.

I suppose that concludes this boorish rant.

Monika Signing off here, reminding you to live spherically!

Lazing about in French

Greetings and salutations, it is me coming to you live once again.

It was a fairly slow day for me. I spent the day watching foreign films. French cinema to be exact. I rarely watch foreign films and I must say... I enjoyed it.

I suggest everyone look into "Il y a longtemps que je t'aime" (I have loved you so long). (2008)

After fifteen years in prison for murdering her son Pierre, the former medical doctor Juliette Fontaine travels to Lorraine to live on probation with her younger sister Léa and her family. The bitter, introspective and reclusive Juliette has spent her sentence without any visitors and totally forgotten by her family and now she has problems interacting with her brother-in-law Luc and her nieces. She has to visit every other week her probation officer Captain Fauré and seeks a job to rebuild her life. As days go by, Juliette gets closer to the family of her sister and befriends Luc and Léa's friends, specially Lea's colleague Michel. She slowly changes her behavior until the day Léa discovers the truth about the death of Pierre.

Absolutely brilliant, you'll love it.

_______________________________________________________________

With that out of the way I can move on and tell you what happened to me at exactly mid-night.
I walked into the kitchen, thinking about a male friend who has been dead and gone for several years when out of the blue a Budweiser bottle top hit me right in the middle of my forehead!
Now, in this house, we don't drink Budweiser. We happen to drink Keystone, Michelob, or Bud Light...but never never Budweiser; which coincidentally happened to be Marks' brand. I am not exactly jumping to conclusions... and instead choose to believe my friend was just saying hello.

I think I will close on that note...

Remember to live spherically!

References: IMDb Copyright © 1990-2010 IMDb.com, Inc.

A Circle Has No Beginning

Living Spherically? No short task.

Remember the "crazy blond"? Who incidentally had some wonderful advise.

The advice was to “live spherically — in many directions at once.”

This is the first entry into my new life of Living Spherically.
Each day, I will be posting an entry and hopefully taking those steps to live a more
balanced and well-rounded life. Chaos is no way to live and I have put an end to it right this minute.

I think for most of us, we look at the statement and say, okay-fine. I will live spherically.
But what does it really mean? I suppose it is slightly open for interpretation. No doubt each individual will look at the statement and apply it to his/her own life and make the conclusions thereafter. Which, I suppose really is the point of most bits of advise.

For me personally, I look at the statement and imagine all the things I want my life to mean when it is all said and done. When I look back, I want to feel as if I really tasted life.
I am already eclectic, which literally means selecting or choosing from various sources.
But do I live spherically? No. I think the answer is no.

I can derive beliefs from various religion(s), I can listen to a wide variety of music, I can choose from a plethora of menus. . . But that is not exactly spherical.

Background info: Four years ago, I had a miscarriage and took up the bottle. The last four years have been chaos, turmoil, and a haze of self-abuse and depression. Of course, I have put on an insane amount of weight and lately have had a general dis-like for myself. Now, I know that it wasn't my fault and that I possibly handled the situation poorly but that is just how I roll.

I also have this thing about being alone, and here lately I am feeling it more than ever. My mother left town, my sisters left town and I find myself in foreign territory. I have always felt lonely but this is different and I fear I will take it harshly if I don't start doing something about the way I think and feel.

Of course there are a number of tragedies that make up my life, and I am sure you will all get a sample of them in the future but for now...

Moving on....
For me, I think living spherically is delving in to each subject you can get your hands on. I am not specifically referring to knowledge alone. But yes, there are so many things to be discovered by reading and learning.

My goals for living "More Spherically"

1) Dancing. Something that simple-- so many of us cannot really dance. I find ballroom dancing captivating. Why then, should I not learn?

2) Finishing a novel. I am a writer. I write poetry and short stories constantly. Many of them published. I want to finish my biography and so I shall continue to work on it.

3) Playing the piano. I've always loved it, yet I've never taken the time or initiative to learn.

4) Teaching myself spiritual discipline. -- I have never been a disciplined person. I have no grounds for a firm belief system. I know what I believe, but why do I believe them?

5) Gardening. I have a wonderful love gardening, but my green thumb is turning brown.

6) Cooking. I love to cook, and I happen to be rather good in the kitchen but I stick with the same old things because I know I like them.

Which leads me to...

7) Experimenting more. Not just in cooking, but everything in my life, I stick with what I know and rarely branch out and test the waters of unfamiliar territory. I think #7 is the most important of my "Living Spherically" challenge.

8) Letting the people I love, know I love them. This is not something I do. I tend to be a very closed off and shut down individual. I don't find that fair to either party.

9) Being more gentle with myself. I tend to judge myself to harshly and critically.

10) Having strong convictions but no real means or source to back them up-STOP IT!

So there we are 10 goals which may not exactly be achieved to the letter, but it seems like a simple enough guideline to begin. Stay tuned. I am sure this will get sticky but with a little support... well, we'll just have to see.



So this is Monika signing off, reminding you to live spherically!

P.s. Any Suggestions? What are you doing to live more spherically?